did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
