I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
