I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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