Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
