i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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