Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
