it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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