Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
