Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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