I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I color on your dick again?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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