just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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