i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
