the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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