I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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