You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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