Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
