omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
