how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
