that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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