Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
