Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to calm my uterus...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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