Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
