Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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