how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A+ Viking dick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
