can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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