I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
