it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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