Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
