So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
