Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
