his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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