God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
