I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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