I want to make a zoo with you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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