What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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