My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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