so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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