apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
