you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
