I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
