laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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