On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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