I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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