you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
