I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
