Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
false alarm. still invincible.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
