yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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