remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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