I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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