I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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