Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
