i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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