Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
