She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
