Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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