My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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