need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
