hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
