I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
