There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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