Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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