before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
