I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
