I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
