I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
