So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
