He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize