if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
