thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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