Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
