i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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