Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
